I’m not gonna lie. I’ve put off writing this article like a Tennessee fan puts off taking a bath. Since my significant other doesn’t possess the ability to listen to me when I suggest things to which she may want to take heed, I was up until 2:00 in the morning pricing and sorting yard sale stuff. I suggested we do this over a month ago, but what do I know? The late night means I wasn’t my usual bright-eyed, bushy-tailed self this morning, and it’s taken me a couple hours to get motivated. But I’m here to please, so let’s get on with it.
Good Lord, did you watch the game Thursday? If you are like me, you watched just enough to realize how bad it would suck to watch it all, and turned the TV off. This happened for me after the first quarter. I eventually manned up and skimmed through the recording, just to get a sense of how punch-your-grandmother awful the offense was. At least, the 10 guys on offense not named Josh Clemons. Did you see how the offensive line unit played? No you did not. That was a trick question, because the offensive line was not a unit on Thursday, it was a collection of 5 big dudes getting embarrassed like a Louisville fan on “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?” To put it mildly, it was an unspired performance, but at least they won.
[SIZE=1][I]The only question on the U of L entrance exam. Answering “yes” gets you into grad school.[/I][/SIZE]
Now, since I’m nothing if not current and topical (and “Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?” is only 4 years old, so I’m obviously current), I got to thinking about the “pay-for-play” debate that has been raging lately, and came up with an argument both for and against it, based on what I had the misfortune to see on Thursday.
Might as well start with the defense. I thought they played well, even if it was WKU. Giving up 3 points is an achievement regardless of who the opponent is. Winston Guy’s deciding to show up was a big boost as well. If he keeps it up, he will be a stud. Now, since proponents of paying athletes say that it’s unfair the school makes money off their backs, I’m using this as an example. The way the defense stood its ground will make UK all sorts of money if they get to a bowl game (and given how the offense looks, 6 wins is iffy right now). So, UK defense, collect your checks. You represented the school well, and made it a few dollars in the process. Might as well get your cut. But, offense…
[SIZE=1][I]This picture is more offensive than UK was Thursday.[/I][/SIZE]
…you guys are the reason athletes shouldn’t be paid. In this case, it would be a huge ripoff. Forcing 25,000 people to watch that mess is grounds for a charge of attempted genocide against Big Blue Nation. On Thursday night at least, the offense was just along for the ride, with virtually nothing to contribute to the effort (looks like we have some future government officials on the team). With the exception of Ryan Tydlacka, no one can say they made money for the school. And if you did pay these guys, it would be a painstaking process. The offensive line would need their money to go into a savings bond, since their pockets probably have as many holes as the pocket they tried to make for Morgan Newton. As for Newton, his pay would consist of traveler’s checks, since he wasn’t sure where he was going or what he was doing. And since his passes often ended up in the wrong hands, we don’t want anyone cashing his checks should they end up there as well. Speaking of which, the receivers would have to be paid by direct deposit, because they would immediately drop anything you placed directly in their hands. You can see how tricky it would be finding a suitable means of compensation for everyone.
[SIZE=1][I]Another picture of cute animals. Also extremely fitting.[/I][/SIZE]
I assume by now you get the point. The offense sucked. Granted, it’s early, and I for one think they will look at least somewhat improved next week. How could they not? And regarding the paying of athletes, I’m for it. These guys give blood, sweat, and tears for their schools, making them millions in gate receipts and merchandise sales. But after watching Newton & Friends stumble and bumble all over LP Field Thursday night, I’m not sure it could be considered a justified expense.
[I][B]Follow @chris_minton on Twitter for a little UK talk, and lots of random thoughts and crude words.[/B][/I]
