How ya’ doing? Is it just me, or does last weekend feel like it was forever ago? Shoot, I was a whole year younger last weekend. I must have missed all the birthday wishes you guys gave me this week…inconsiderate turds. Just kidding! I love you! Come closer, let me kiss you. Just like that…nom nom nom…where was I?
Not only is it a new year of life for me, but yesterday started a new season on the calendar. We have officially moved into fall, and I for one couldn’t be happier. Actually, I could be happier. If UK can come out tonight and manage to stick their thumbs in their butts with less than 2 hands, that would be a huge step forward on a thoroughly “blah” football season thus far. Let the team be inspired by a new solstice. Am I saying it will happen? I have no idea. This team has me as frustrated as a newborn baby in a topless bar.
[I][SIZE=1]Pictured: the legs of a Florida student who couldn’t find a babysitter.[/SIZE][/I]
BUT…there may be hope. Earlier this week at his press conference, Joker Phillips actually managed to sound like he may be willing to accept at least a modicum of the blame for a lackluster start. Hopefully, it’s more than just coach-speak, and we actually get to see a team that appears to enjoy playing football.
Again, I’m not saying it WILL happen, just that, if there ever was an opportune time for a team to resemble a cohesive, efficient unit, tonight is the night. After my pissing and moaning last week about how poorly the team played (and coached), I’m drinking Big Blue Kool-aid today, if for no other reason than it’s a nice day outside and I don’t want to ruin it by thinking about how bad this game may suck to watch.
In all seriousness, if this team has any stones at all (also: moxie, gumption, pride, cajones, intestinal fortitude), today is the day to show it. I realize that Florida is a reallyreallyreallyreally fast team, and that Chris Rainey has the potential to get more yards than Lawn Doctor, but I’m not even really worried about that.
[SIZE=1][I]Also would have accepted “marbles”.[/I][/SIZE]
[I][SIZE=1][/SIZE][/I]
Honestly, I’m not expecting a win, and I don’t care if they win. I just want to see the team fired up (although, admittedly, us fans have a lot to do with that) and ready to play. I want to see them come out and at least attempt to hit Florida in the mouth. I want to see Joker & Friends take out the tampon strings, remove their testicles from whatever purse they’ve been stored in, and call some real plays. I want the offensive line to get pissed off about the fact that everyone doubts them right now. I want Morgan Newton to have enough time to throw downfield. I want Matt Roark to stay on the bench if he isn’t going to catch anything (that’s for you, Mack). I want Winston Guy to hurt someone. I want Danny Trevathan to piss down Chris Rainey’s throat.
[I][SIZE=1][STRIKE][I][SIZE=1]Time to die[/SIZE][/I][/STRIKE] So he doesn’t dehydrate. [/SIZE][/I]
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I want Taylor Wyndham to ring John Brantley’s bell (note: I don’t want to see anyone actually hurt, but you know what I mean). I want Ryan Tydlacka to not have to ice his punting leg. I want Joker & Friends to challenge these guys to play like a team. I want Josh Clemons to show Florida that Clemonade beats Gatorade any day of the week.
[I][SIZE=1]Not pictured: Vicky Valencourt’s boobies.[/SIZE][/I]
Hell, I just want to see some heart and effort. It’s a new season on the calendar, let’s turn this thing around and make it look like a new season on the field. Play hard, play smart, don’t be scared, and see what happens.
And if UK were to somehow get the win? Even better.
[I][B]Follow @chris_minton on Twitter for a little UK talk, and lots of random thoughts and crude words.[/B][/I]
