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[FONT=Arial][SIZE=1][I]Probably the most visually pleasing aspect of the game today.[/I][/SIZE][/FONT]
[SIZE=2][FONT=Arial]Well, I’ll admit I’m surprised. I honestly expected Morgan Newton to start today, since that would be a completely Joker Phillips thing to do. But, since Newton was injured and couldn’t do much this week, Maxwell Smith gets the start, thus making me actually excited about a football game for the first time this year. (Side note: if Smith is going to go by “Maxwell”, he should be forced to wear a Fu Manchu mustache for the duration of the season. That, or affix a monocle to his facemask.)[/FONT][/SIZE]
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[FONT=Arial][SIZE=1][I]This will also be acceptable.[/I][/SIZE][/FONT]
[SIZE=2][FONT=Arial]So what are the possibilities for today’s game? Hard to say. I have no doubt the offense will finally appear to be competent in an SEC game, although this is due as much to the fact Kentucky is playing Ole Miss as it is the fact that Maxwell Smith is starting. Two bottom dwelling teams with much more to lose than gain today? If it were possible to “Suck for Luck” on the college level, this game would have major implications.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][FONT=Arial]Instead, we are left with a team that, if it doesn’t win, can take a MySpace photo in the bathroom mirror, complete with duck-face and peace sign, go to Google Cloud from its cell phone, and print out the picture.Then, it can bring up the Stamps.com app on its PC, and print out a stamp and envelope label. Finally, it can put the MySpace duck-face peace sign bathroom mirror pic, put it in the envelope with the label and stamp printed on it, and put it in the mailbox. The mailman can then come get this letter out of the mailbox, take it to the local USPS sorting facility, where an old guy named Donald, who is 3 years from retirement, and who has bunions, corns, and carpal tunnel, and who is afraid the local USPS sorting facility will close, due to government cutbacks, before he can get his pension. After all, his wife left him a few years ago when he had a nervous breakdown and started drinking a lot. His kids don’t call, because he was never there for them when they were younger, and all he has left in life is this USPS sorting facility job. When Donald receives the letter from the Kentucky football team, he will sort it to be sent to the NCAA Bowl Committee, who will get the letter in the mail a couple days later. Moved by the fact that UK was thinking of them, the NCAA Bowl Committee will draft a thank you letter for the Kentucky football team.This thank you letter will also contain an invitation to the NCAA birthday party in June. This year’s theme is the Backyardigans, and the NCAA [I]really [/I]hopes that Kentucky gets it a Pablo stuffed animal, because the NCAA just [I]loooves [/I]Pablo. Pablo is by far the NCAA’s favorite Backyardigan. In fact, the NCAA told its mom it hates her when she threw away the NCAA’s Pablo bedsheets after the NCAA kept pissing on them constantly. It wasn’t the NCAA’s fault, though, because mom should know better than to give the NCAA soda at bedtime. [/FONT][/SIZE]
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[FONT=Arial][SIZE=1][I]How I like to picture Mark Emmert.[/I][/SIZE][/FONT]
[SIZE=2][FONT=Arial]T[/FONT][/SIZE][SIZE=2][FONT=Arial]his (the photo, the letter, the thank you letter, the birthday party invitation, and, God willing, the Pablo stuffed animal Kentucky gets the NCAA) will happen for one simple reason: if Kentucky doesn’t win today, that is the only way the Bowl Committee will even acknowledge the fact that Kentucky exists, because there are only 4 games left, and I don’t see Kentucky beating Georgia this year. [/FONT][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][FONT=Arial]So go defense! Go Maxwell Smith! Go Matt Roark! Go whichever running back isn’t hurt today! The bowl streak depends on you. And just in case the team loses, I’ll have [URL=”http://www.amazon.com/Backyardigans-Pablo-13-Plush/dp/B002CT2O2E”]this[/URL] bookmarked.[/FONT][/SIZE]
[I][SIZE=1]Unfortunately, it doesn’t qualify for Prime shipping.[/SIZE][/I]
Cats by 4.
