And I say that in honor of today’s effort against Vanderbilt. The team got outplayed, outhustled, outthunk (new word), and outcoached (SHOCKER!) from start to finish.
I’m not even mad anymore. Maxwell Mortimer Cornelius Smith looked good for a couple games, but today he sucked. His teammates, in a show of support, decided to suck also. Pick a position. Quarterback? Sucked. Running back? Sucked. Defensive back? Sucked and got consecutive pass-interference calls on the same player. That takes talent. Punter? Sucked. It was that kind of day. Coaching staff? Scripted an excellent gameplan. What? Just kidding. The coaching staff sucks. I wouldn’t let Joker Phillips housebreak my new dog, let alone commandeer an SEC team that has made a school-best 4 consecutive bowl games.
And with that, I’m saying this: fire the man. Fire Joker Phillips. I can handle losing sometimes, it happens. What I can’t handle is getting repeatedly outclassed. How in the hell do you lose by thirty at Vanderbilt?!? THIRTY POINTS!!! That is the sign of piss-poor coaching, and I’ll challenge anyone who disagrees with me to a knife fight. Sure, the talent may not completely be there, but Vanderbilt isn’t a school that is teeming with All-Americans.
And still, Vandy absolutely EMBARRASSED Kentucky today. To me, this loss is worse than Florida, LSU, and South Carolina, because it was a game that UK should have at least competed in. Instead, they get run off the field. I went to check my mail a few minutes ago and gained more yards than Kentucky did today.
Fittingly, ESPN only has first half stats posted in the box score right now, but it really doesn’t matter. Here’s all you need to know: in the first half, UK had 41 yards. I didn’t leave a number out, there are only two. Forty. One. Yards. In one half. Against the only other SEC team that perennially sucks in conference play as bad as they do.
Even Ryan Tydlacka was off today, doing some kind of goofy rugby punt that managed 35 yards a kick, instead of getting the booming 60-yarders he usually does. I wonder if he wasn’t hurt. But then, if my chances of success rested in the incapable hands of Joker Phillips, I’d be hurt too. Or at least act hurt. That way, I don’t have to worry about suffering a real injury in the fourth quarter of a 27-point loss to the Charlie & Velma Higginbotham School of Industrial Repair. Plus, faking hurt ensures being able to take a skiing trip during bowl season. It’s not like you’ll be playing in one!
Of course, I know better. Football players have pride, and any football player worth a damn isn’t going to sit out unless he has to. But playing for Joker Phillips is going to play hell on that pride of yours, boys. Apparently, being a disciple of Joker involves getting housed by 30 to a team that finishes behind UK in the standings every year. And Kentucky always finishes fifth, if that tells you anything. Best of luck and Godspeed.
Shadrach Thornton wised up. He decided he doesn’t want his tail kicked on a regular basis, so he’s going to NC State instead. If we are lucky, enough other recruits will decommit to the point Mitch Barnhart has no option but to let Joker go. But what about attendance?
Can you imagine? The team got splattered today, will surely get splattered next week, and will end a flaming crap pile of a season by hosting Tennessee, with nothing to play for but pride. But guess what? Pride packed its bags sometime during the 12-yard second quarter today, and is now on an Amtrak train to southern Florida to spend a nice relaxing winter. The fan turnout may very well be worse than the Jacksonville State game. Personally, I hope it is. Say what you want about me not supporting my team, and it only hurts the players and blahblahblahblahshutthehellupalready.
Here’s the deal: I don’t watch UK football out of a sense of fatherhood and duty. I watch UK play football in the hopes that I can see a good football game. Me not wanting to watch UK and Tennessee play doesn’t mean anything other than another empty seat.
You can say the players notice it when fans don’t show up. I’m sure they do. You know what else players notice? Getting curb-stomped by Vanderbilt. VANDERBILT!! You tell me which is more demoralizing. It’s not my job to inflate the team’s ego, it’s Joker’s. And he sucks at it. It’s my job to want to see good football, and if I don’t, I’m going to ask that the necessary changes be made that allow for good football to be seen. I’m also willing to bet that a lot of these players secretly have no desire to play anymore games this season, but they won’t let that be known.
A player won’t lose his scholarship if the seats are empty. In fact, all players but seniors get to come back next year, for what I hope is a different coach who can stick his finger in his ass with both hands. You tell me what they deserve more? Half-hearted cheering from a stadium full of fans who have nothing else to do? Or enough empty seats, complaints, and decommits that Joker gets canned, giving the team a chance to compete next season with a real coach?
We can only hope it’s the latter. It’s the best thing for the players in the long term, and you’ll not convince me otherwise.
#RUSE
