Happy Sunday, folks. I had intended to have this post up much earlier, but after reading that trashy article about Tubby Smith last night, I wasn’t sure if I wanted anything to do with this site anymore. Can you believe that jagoff would write something like that? But, I got over my mad spell, figured some people just don’t know any better, and set out to share some loosely-connected thoughts with you today.
So what’s going on? Ready for some football? I certainly am. We are only 4 days away from the return of sports worth watching! I could really give a damn about baseball. Did you know that baseball was invented in 1875 as an excuse for Abner Doubleday to get away from his wife and kids for a few hours? That has to be the reason, because I can’t think of any other one that would justify spending three hours watching a bunch of guys scratch themselves and spit in the dirt. I’d get a job with the highway department if I wanted to see that. Every time I watch a baseball game on TV, I have to take a handful of Quaalude to get woke back up.
[I][SIZE=1]In his defense, it was only Game 5 of the World Series.[/SIZE][/I]
But football isn’t like that. Football is actually [I]fun[/I] to watch. I’ve never fallen asleep watching a football game. Football doesn’t make me want to put firecrackers in a cat’s ass just to pass the time. And football is on its way to Nashville this Thursday night when the Cats take on Western Kentucky at LP Field. And given the state of the Titans this season, it could end up being the best football played there this year.
So how about it? What should we expect from the team this year? I’m gonna go with a conservative 7 wins. They get the four non-conference wins, then three of the Vandy-Tennessee-South Carolina-Mississippi St.-Ole Miss group. They will go bowling again, but it’s too early to tell if it’ll be more Chick-fil-a Bowl or more Danny Bob’s House of Fried Okra Bowl, sponsored by Skeeter Mullins’ Discount Alternator Repair & Bait Shop (they now take cash as a form of payment).
[I][SIZE=1]The president and CEO, respectively[/SIZE][/I][I][SIZE=1].[/SIZE][/I]
Why the uncertainty? For starters, Morgan Newton is still an unknown quantity. Hopefully a full offseason of being the man will help his confidence and decision-making; ability is not the issue. Also, Randall Cobb left to win the Super Bowl MVP award in Green Bay, leaving behind a rather large jock strap to fill. The question is, which receiver will be the one to nestle his undercarriage deep within it, having both support and ease of movement? I’ll say La’rod King, but I hear he always thought Tubby Smith was a good coach, so I’m sure he’s too much of a dumbass to be a consistent contributor. The offensive line is considered the strong point of the offense, if not the whole team, due to the experience, depth, and number of starts as a cohesive unit. With the running game featuring so many new faces, the line’s play will be a huge factor. Even though it pretty much always is, but since the line is comprised of mostly blue-collar chunky butts, it doesn’t get the attention the pretty-boy spots like quarterback and receiver get.
How about the defense? Rick Minter has supposedly come in to be the savior, but I’ll be honest, I’m not terribly impressed with his overall body of work. Also, Steve Brown is still around, so I guess the Skeeter Mullins’ Discount Alternator Repair & Bait Shop in Shively will have to wait another year or two for its new manager. If Minter can get his secondary to tackle worth a damn, that’ll be good for at least two wins. Did you see those guys tackle last year? If you said yes, you’re a liar, because they didn’t tackle last year. It was a trick question. Watching last year’s defense (non-Danny Trevathan division) try to tackle was like watching two old people screw (and why you would watch that, I don’t know. Creep). It’s ugly to see, and there’s a good chance someone is going to be out of position. Hopefully the team is more “Nuclear Minter” than “SS Minter”. You know, where they get caught in a storm and end up lost. And trying to figure out who would be Ginger and Mary Ann is making me feel icky, so let’s move on.
[I][SIZE=1]Taken during a team outing after the spring Blue-White game.[/SIZE][/I]
Still, for the first game, I think the Cats win it 31-17. Western is still trying to make its name in D-1, and Kentucky probably has a distinct talent advantage.
You know what, hell with it. Let’s all take off work Friday, meet at the Denny’s in Mt. Vernon, and head to Nashville. Great place for a game, great town to party in, and it’s finally football season again. And that’s great.
[I][B]Follow @chris_minton on Twitter for a little UK talk, and lots of random thoughts and crude words.[/B][/I]
