[I]I’m doing things a little different today. Kentucky travels to Nashville and the world’s weirdest gym to take on the Vanderbilt Commodores Saturday night, and pundits near and far are saying Kentucky has a distinct chance of losing the game. Well, I don’t know about all that, but I do know this: Kevin Stallings looks a lot like Burglekutt from the movie Willow. And since Willow is a great movie, I figured I would take some quotes and apply them to the game. If it sucks, pretend Mack wrote it.
[/I][URL=”http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0096446/”]You remember [I]Willow[/I], right[/URL]? The movie about a wannabe magician named Willow Ufgood who finds a baby, breaks Val Kilmer out of jail, travels to a castle to defeat an evil queen, and picks the correct finger on Billy Barty’s hand? Of course you do. And since I’m sucking at segues at the moment, let’s dive into this one together, shall we?
[B][I][B][B][I]High Aldwin:[/I] [/B][/B][/I][B][B]Ignore the bird! Follow the river.
[/B][/B][/B]This applies to the peculiar layout of Memorial Gymnasium. With the benches on the baselines, this team has to ignore conventional tendencies and instead play half the game out of earshot of Coach Cal. For the sake of poetry, we can say that the river represents team unity, and they must lean on that unity to play efficiently when the coach isn’t readily available. Or something like that.[B][I]
[B][I]High Aldwin:[/I] [/B][/I][B]Forget all you know, or think you know. All that you require is your intuition.
[/B][/B]This is for Marquis Teague. As he goes, this team goes. And he has been doing a fine job of going lately. His assists are up, and turnovers and shot attempts are down. By the way, Kentucky has been lambasting everyone the last few games. It’s not a coincidence. At Vandy, Teague will be dealing with a rowdy, jacked-up crowd that will try to rattle him. He needs to play his game, like he’s been doing, instead of trying to force the issue.[B][I][B]
[B]
[I]S[/I][/B][B][I]orsha:[/I] [/B][/B][/I][B][B]What are you looking at?[/B][/B][/B]
[B][I][I][I][B][B][B][B][I]Madmartigan:[/I] [/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/I][B][B][B][B]Your leg. I’d like to break it.[/B][/B][/B]If this team has an enforcer, Michael Kidd-Gilchrist is it. He brings the heat every time he steps on the floor, and he’s so intense that his teammates have admitted they play hard so as not to let him down. His play could very well be the difference maker in this one.[B][I][B]
[B][I][I][I][B][B][B]
[B][I]Franjean:[/I] [/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/I][B][B][B][B][B][B]Don’t I know you? I stole the baby from you, Daikini! While you were taking a peepee![/B][/B][/B]Anthony Davis is going to take the baby from Festus Ezeli and send it into the empty space on the sideline where the third row would normally be. He is going to block a three-pointer. He may even get a triple-double. He’ll also get you a low interest rate, and a better trade-in than the schlubs at Cartown Kia. Anthony Davis is the man.[B][I][B][B][I][B][B][I][I][I][B][B][B][B]
[B][I]Franjean:[/I] [/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/I][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B]Oh no, where did everybody go? [/B][/B][/B][I][B][B][I][B][B][I][B][B][I][I][I][B][B][B][B][B]
[B][I]Rool:[/I] [/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/I][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B]Maybe it was something we said.[/B][/B][/B]This is for the genius who decided it would be a good idea, in 2012, to make a t-shirt using the word “gay” as an insult, without anyone getting upset. [URL=”http://www.glaad.org/blog/glaad-reaching-out-vanderbilt-about-anti-gay-shirts”]Oops[/URL]. Offensiveness and tastelessness aside, “UK2GAY”? Really, future architect/nuclear physiciest/rocket scientist? That’s the best you can come up with? Here’s one for you: Memorial Gynasium, helping put the “commode” in Commodores since 1952.[B][I][B][B][I][B][B][I][B][B][I][B][B][B]
[/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][I][I][I][I][SIZE=1][I][I][I][I]Not pictured: originality or class[/I][/I][/I][/I][/SIZE][B][I][B][B][I][B][B][I][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][I][I][I][B][B][B][B][B][B][I]
Franjean[/I]: [/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/I][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B]Don’t play with that wand! It holds vast powers. Only a real sorcerer can use it, not a stupid peck like you.[/B][/B][/B]This is John Calipari talking to Kevin Stallings, after Stallings somehow won SEC Coach of the Year in 2010, only to see his team pull a Vanderbilt and flame out in the first round of the NCAA tournament. Again. That same year, Calipari’s team went 14-2 in conference, and was a few made three-pointers away from the Final Four. Kevin Stallings does not need the wand anymore.[B][I][B][B][I][B][B][I][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][I][B][B][B]
[/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][I][I][I][I][I][SIZE=1][I][I][I]Photoshop courtesy of Walter at [URL=”http://www.wildcatworld.com/”]Wildcat World[/URL][/I][/I][/I][/SIZE][B][I][B][B][I][B][B][I][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][I][I][I][B][B][B][B][B][B]
[B][I]Willow[/I]: [/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/I][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B]Burglekutt, I’m gonna…[/B][/B][/B][I][B][B][I][B][B][I][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][I][I][I][B][B][B][B][B][B][B]
[B][I]Burglekutt[/I]: [/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/I][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B]You’re gonna what?[/B][/B][/B][I][B][B][I][B][B][I][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][B][I][I][I][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B]
[[I]Willow is silent]
[B]Burglekutt: [/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/I][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B]AH HA HA HA HA![/B][/B][/B][I][B][B][I][B][B][I][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][I][I][I][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][I][B][B][B][I][B]
[B]Willow: [/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B]Someday, Burglekutt! Some day![/B][/B][/B]Another one for Calipari and Stallings. In the movie, Burglekutt is the bully who picks on Willow. In real life, it could be said that Kentucky is the bully, since they win all the time, but, like Burglekutt, no one likes Kevin Stallings, especially when he complains about having to play two games in three days. It’s not like he has to worry about doing that in March anyway. At the end of the movie, Burglekutt gets his comeuppance, along with bird poop on his face. Kevin Stallings will have cat poop on his face when the clock runs out in this one.[B][I][B][B][I][B][B][I][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][I][I][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B]
[/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][I][I][I][I][I][I][I][I][I][I][SIZE=1][I][I][I][I][I][I]Tastes like chicken. And failed expectations.[/I][/I][/I][/I][/I][/I][/SIZE][B][I][B][B][I][B][B][I][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][I][I][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][I][I][I][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][I][B][B][I][B][I]
Madmartigan:[/I] [/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B][B]That’s magic? It smells terrible. [/B][/B][/B][I][B][B][I][B][B][I][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][I][B][B][B][B][I][B][B][B][B]
[I]Willow:[/I][B]It’s the life spark. It forms… [/B]
[I]Madmartigan:[/I][B]This is one more nod to how goofy Memorial Gymnasium is. There’s supposed to be some kind of magic in the place, but it really does stink. Although, , Kentucky is 3-7 since 2002, so something has to give. The Commodores will be in the giving mood, as they let Kentucky take this one going away.Speaking of going away, that concludes this week’s episode of “Poorly Constructed Articles Based On Some Guy Vaguely Looking Like Some Other Guy”. Tune in next time, when I use Charlotte’s Web quotes for a Duke game.[/B][B]Well, it stinks! This whole thing stinks![/B][URL=”http://www.nationofblue.com/uk-vandy-game-uk-isn-t-supposed-win-10524/”]as Mack noted[/URL]
[B]Cats by 7.[/B]
[I]Follow on Twitter for a little UK talk, and lots of random thoughts and crude words.[/I][URL=”http://twitter.com/#!/chris_minton”]@chris_minton[/URL][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/I][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/I][/I][/I][/I][/I][/I][/I][/I][/I][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/I][/I][/I][/I][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/I][/I][/I][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B][/B][/I][/B]
