Let me start off on a positive note by saying that the Kentucky defense played outstanding today, considering what they were up against. To only give up 28 points on the road against the #1 team, without any offensive support whatsoever, speaks volumes about how little “quit” is in these guys. And I’m aware that giving up 28 points is a lot, but I kept waiting for them to fall apart in the second half, and it never happened. Kudos to Danny Trevathan and the boys for sticking it out in a valiant effort.
Now, enjoy that feeling while it lasts, because at this rate, it’s a matter of time until body parts start falling off.
This isn’t breaking news to anyone, but our offense sucks. I mean [I]it really sucks[/I]. I mean, if a basic, competent offense was a healthy, happy, middle-class family with a minivan, our offense is a homeless man with a glass eye, psychosis, and a severe case of shingles. I bet he’s also missing fingers.
[I][SIZE=1]Pictured: Kentucky’s offense, probably.[/SIZE][/I]
My point is, I have no clue why anyone still watches this show, other than to support the actors, who seem to be, for the most part, trying their hardest. The problem is, the director would be better served as an intern, content to simply bring Starbucks and chocolate pretzels to the real cast; instead, he’s in a position of influence as director and writer, and he seems to think it’s awesome and original and totally clever to include a dozen fart jokes each week, even though everyone expects a fart joke, and the joke goes nowhere.
[I][SIZE=1]Please don’t let it come to this.[/SIZE][/I]
The sad part? The joke’s on us. I heard the director on the post-game show talk about how the offense was finding an identity. Really, you think this offense- the same offense, by the way, that claims to be part of a D-1 team, playing in a BCS conference, yet managed only [I]66 yards passing[/I] for the game.[I] For the game[/I]. 66 yards- is finding an identity? Someone call Capital One (not the bowl committee, no need for that) and tell them we have a serious case of identity theft, because if this anemic, piss-poor, flimsily-coached, unprepared offense has an identity, it belongs to Tilda Mae Merryweather, age 92, of Ocala, Florida. She’s a disabled widow with severe glaucoma and early-onset Alzheimer’s, and she’s confused as to why her medication isn’t showing up in her mailbox anymore.
[I][SIZE=1]And she is PISSED.[/SIZE][/I]
Again, I’m not ranting in an attempt to throw off on the players, although I am about to give up on Morgan Newton (seriously, dude, hit a receiver in stride sometime; it looks like fun). The team seems to play hard, in spite of knowing their head coach is probably giggling like a school girl at the thought of getting to call a draw play on the 3rd & 15 that will inevitably happen, because [I]gollygeeohboyohboyohboynoonewillseeitcomingI’msocleverlookatmeIshouldbeHomecomingPrincessinsteadofthatslutCindyPerkinsdoesn’teveryoneknowshestuffshershirtandmakesoutwithguysonthefirstdateandevengoesd[/I]- uh, where was I?
The kids aren’t giving up, we can agree to that. And, [STRIKE]unfortunately[/STRIKE] that is probably Joker’s best ally right now. As long as the team plays hard, he’s got a fighting chance. But if someone would please distract him with a picture of screen pass just long enough to take his playbook away and glue his fingers together, maybe -just maybe- this offensive unit, who is already playing hard, can get someone leading them that shows them how to play smart. Or at least gets them to play up to their abilities. Or, God forbid, uses more than the first 2 pages of the playbook in the first place.
If not, people will quit tuning in to watch this show, because it’s formulaic, there’s no laugh track, and the character development absolutely sucks.
Now, I wonder what’s on Lifetime?
[I][B]Follow @chris_minton on Twitter for a little UK talk, and lots of random thoughts and crude words.[/B][/I]
