It’s that time again. All of the Southeastern Conference’s finest Dbags line up to be a part of an elite group: The All-Annoying Team. Last year’s squad included some all time great jerks. Punks like the entire Vandy basketball team, Scotty Hopson and of course their leader, 7 time first teamer Chandler Parsons. This year brings in a new class and a new type of vexation. Let’s take a look at the SEC’s Pests (get it? Pests, not Best…hooray wordplay).
The first member of this 2011-2012 Cluster F-troop is Scottie Wilbekin. Did you know that last year Scotty Wilbekin was the youngest player in the SEC? Well, it’s true, the announcers told me so…EVERY FREAKING GAME! Scottie would always light up the cats in the most annoying fashion. Little known fact here, Young Wilbekin-nobe has never missed a 3 point field goal against UK. He is an absolute dead eye mcgee from 3…versus Kentucky. Versus everyone else he shoots a miserable 28% from behind the arc. Add all that to his troll like gotee and he could be on this team for a long time to come.
Uk fans have a soft spot for little basketball people. And by soft spot I mean “makes you want to punch an unconscious sleeping person in the face”. Our second member is also from the Florida Gatoverateds, welcome Erving Walker. Walker stands 5’8 and that’s according to a usually statistically overblown media guide. Walker has not had very good games against Kentucky as of late and that’s ok. In fact his best game was a 20 point performance 2 years ago. Other than that he averages around 8 ppg. Mostly, Erving Walker makes the team because he spells Erving with an “E” and he reminds of us all a little too much of Devin Downey.
John Jenkins is the perfect player for this particular team. He plays for Vandy and he’s actually good at basketball. There can be no more PESTilent (see, I did it again) combo than that. Jenkins has been a thorn in the side of the Wildcats for 2 years and will be until 2017, when he graduates. Kentucky has won only 3 games inside that joke of a basketball gym in the past 11 years. One of those wins was won by a finger tip. Specifically, the fingertip of John Wall, as it blocked a sure-fire 3 point winning shot by Jenkins. Just thinking about playing in Nashville makes me feel like I have athlete’s foot in my butt. This year it will be our athletes’ foot that goes in their butt.
Dee Bost is the only current SEC player that receives discounts on the first Wednesday of the month at Kroger. Seriously, how long has this dude been playing ball for Miss(ing the tourney) State? I mean he has career wins against Tubby, Gilispie and Cal…well not Cal (got a little carried away there). Bost was infamously recognized last year as someone who can’t read. He declared for the draft AFTER being told he couldn’t come back to play college ball. When every team passed on him, he played dumb and the NCAA sustained its ignorant inconsistency. Thus Bost came back to ensure mediocrity would remain in Starkville. I predict Dee Bost will have a magical season full of miracles and dreams coming true…in the NBADL next year.
This team will continue to grow as the season goes on, but for now we have a good start. The head coach could end up being Darren Horn (what is up with that hair?) or it could be newcomer Mike Anderson (he coached the UAB that beat the #1 overall Cats in the tourney right? Damn). However the season turns out, we will recap and add as the team sees fit.
If you would like to stay off this team this year, Follow these simple rules:
[LIST]
[*]Don’t have terrible facial hair
[*]Play well against every team, not just UK
[*]If you pound your chest, you better average more than 5 points
[*]And lastly, don’t be successful against UK. Notice LSU or Auburn aren’t on this list?
[/LIST]Good luck gentlemen, let’s play ball.
