Yes, it’s Monday morning. Yes, any Indiana news is old news. Yes, this particular bit of Indiana news occurred last week, and it doesn’t even concern UK.
Trust me, I’m as tired of hearing about it as you are, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to drag up the carcass of this tired old story, dress it in drag, commit several unspeakable acts on it, then leave it in a shallow, unmarked grave somewhere. Because that’s how I roll.
You may or may not have heard about Rick Pitino telling Terry Meiners the other day about [URL=”http://louisville.rivals.com/content.asp?CID=1373312&PT=4&PR=2″]Tom Crean not wanting to play Louisville[/URL] this season. By itself, that’s not a big story. But after all the fuss over the cancellation (for now) of the UK-IU series, and all the smack-talk amongst the IU fans saying UK was scared, this doesn’t paint Indiana in a particularly good light.
Granted, I’m sure Tom Crean has valid reasons for not wanting to play the Cardinals, and far be it from me to discredit him for that. But I’m going to go ahead and say it’s because Indiana is scared of Louisville. So, with that thought in mind, I made another list, because why write an authentic story with real facts that people may enjoy reading, when I can make up another stupid list and get back to feeding my two-year old son buttered popcorn at 9:30 on a Monday morning?
So with that in mind, here are some more things Tom Crean is scared of, complete with tired, used-up jokes that people were making weeks ago.
1. Thomas Robinson. Seriously, did you see that [URL=”http://www.nationofblue.com/things-thomas-robinson-better-than-11483/”]Thomas Robinson list[/URL] the other day? I’d be scared too.
2. The Elite Eight. The fact that Indiana set up a commemorative display honoring their Sweet Sixteen appearance proves this. But then, if I hadn’t been to a church bake-sale in several years, I would probably spend a day or two admiring the German chocolate cake I bought before I ate it.
3. Carnies. [URL=”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXRfnIfFYFI”]Circus folk[/URL]. Smell like cabbage; small hands. Can’t really fault him for that.
4. Playing Louisville. Because any time you have the opportunity to play a top 5 program, to replace another top 5 program you dropped from the schedule, in a game lots of people would like to see, that is also a regional rivalry that would give both schools good exposure, you HAVE to pass it up.
5. Leaving Assembly Hall. This has nothing to do with Kentucky wanting to play at Lucas Oil, this has to do with another, less well known fact: Tom Crean has [URL=”http://phobias.about.com/od/symptomsanddiagnosis/a/agorasymptoms.htm”]agoraphobia[/URL]. Sure, Indiana could play UK at Lucas Oil, which means more revenue, more seating, and dome experience for both teams, but that would involve Tom Crean leaving home, which in turn could lead to panicked feelings, avoidant behavior, and clustering. Since he is avoiding Louisville, some symptoms are already present.
6. Jehovah’s Witnesses. Since Tom Crean hates to leave home, he is more susceptible than most to a Jehovah’s Witness visit. The good news is, if he were to convert, he could make most of the Saturday night services. He wouldn’t even have to worry about missing his team’s Final Four appearances.
7. [URL=”http://www.btownbanners.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/tomcreanKY.jpg”]A[/URL] [URL=”http://cdn2.sbnation.com/entry_photo_images/3471549/20120314_jla_ad3_037_extra_large.jpg”]good[/URL] [URL=”http://www1.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/Tom+Crean+Savannah+State+v+Indiana+FCqJytFRXD2l.jpg”]haircut[/URL].
8. This list. If Tom Crean were making this list, he would make sure each IU student was emailed a copy, and wouldn’t let more than 17,472 people read it. If the [I]Indianapolis Star[/I] wanted to run the list in its pages, he would refuse, and cancel the list altogether. He would also tell the[I] Courier-Journal[/I] he wasn’t interested in them publishing it either.
Have a great week.
