Was that a great Saturday or what?

Wow. Congratulations, fellow UK fan, on the greatest Saturday of our lives. Well, besides prom that one year. You remember, when someone spiked the punch and everyone, including the faculty, was in a big circle, dancing on their knees to the funkadelic sounds of George Clinton's "Atomic Dog", and your date was so turned on by it that she gave in to you for the first time, a symphony of love being played out on the back seat of your uncle's neighbor's boss's Jaguar convertible. Then you got Mary pregnant, and mister that was all she wrote. For your 18th birthday you got a union card and a wedding coat. But up until that point, it was groovy, man.

But yesterday? What a day! For starters, Joker Phillips turned into a head coach, Matt Roark removed his name from the Commonwealth stadium bathroom walls and wrote it in the annals of Kentucky football history, and Tennessee left the game a loser for the first time in over 26 years. As a result, Ole Miss fired Houston Nutt again, and the NFL suspended Ndamakong Suh an additional 2 games. In Knoxville, there was the gnashing of tooth as the big orange monkey was finally fed a cyanide-laced banana, and he went off to fling poop in the big zoo in the sky. When asked to describe his feelings about the loss, Tennessee fan Schuyler Montague Fitzsimmons IV simply said "Well them dadblamed sum*****es finally got the best of us. I reckon we orta far thet sorry sum***** Durrick Dooleee. Any man whut let them possum-giggin' cornfed fancy-britches yankees win thet game orta be dipped in dogsheeit." He then bummed his sister for a chew of tobacco, kissed her on the mouth, squeezed her butt, got in his car, cracked the whip on the team of flop-eared mules pulling the car, what with it having no motor or transmission, and drove/rode off into the sunset. He should be home by now.


He totally forgot to wear his seatbelt.

It wasn't all bruised oranges and incest, though. The basketball team managed a win as well, beating Portland 87-63, in a game that was fairly close up until about the 16-minute mark of the second half. Then, Kentucky did what seems to be its trademark so far this season: it turned the amp up to 11 and went on a big run, turning a 6-point lead into a 24-point win. Michael Kidd-Gilchrist landed a dunk on the head of Portland's Derrick Rodgers that not only stole his dreams, but also the dreams of his unborn children. It was as nasty as a night in jail. Fun fact: UK's 4 turnovers yesterday is the team's fewest since 1993.

Speaking of basketball, North Carolina relinquished its #1 ranking a week early. I guess they were still in the Thanksgiving spirit, as they fell by 10 to an unranked UNLV squad. Harrison Barnes gimped up one of his wheels in the process, when Kendall Marshall tried to fire a shot at Mack Perkins on Twitter, but just like his jumper, he missed horribly, and the insult hit Barnes instead, causing him to leave the arena on crutches. Hopefully he will be at full strength next weekend, because I for one don't want any excuses when Kentucky wins.


Oops.

So, about the UNC loss. Some people have said they don't like it, because it makes the team that much more pissed off and focused for next Saturday's battle of 1-vs-2 top 5 teams. Personally, I'm glad it happened. If Kentucky had to depend on an unfocused Carolina squad to win next week, they would've lost anyway. If nothing else, I think it presents a better challenge for this team. Beat a top-5 team, and beat them while they are mad. Of course, there's always the chance that #11 Wisconsin beats the Tarholes this week, meaning Kentucky has a chance to expose UNC as a fraud, while sending them on their way with a 3-game losing streak. Let's hope that happens. It's gonna be a good game regardless.

I guess that's about it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to finish putting up my Christmas lights. In the rain, no less.

And just because it won't get old for a while, here you go. See you next Saturday.