UK the Comic Book: Villains


In a world, where good meets evil, only one shall be triumphant. Kentucky has been battling evil doers since the beginning of time (or 1903). And much like modern day comic book villains, the hate stays the same but the faces and names change. While heroes like Superman fought Lex Luthor and Batman constantly battled the Joker, other bad guys would come and go. Kentucky basketball, or as I will call them “Swagneto”, is the same way. Some bad guys will never go away, but recently new faces have emerged and they must be thwarted.


Doctor Dumb (Uconn) is the newest mortal enemy of Swagneto. Currently, they are being punished by the NCAA “Mad Shatters” for failing to meet certain galaxy requirements, thus the name Doctor Dumb. It was only two years ago, D.D. was getting destroyed by every single team in the world, including Swagneto. Later…much later, Swag and D.D. traveled to a faraway tropical island only to see Doctor Dumb sadly become victorious. Nearly 100 days later their battle was reborn, but this time, everything was on the line. Swagneto fought with all its might alas in the end, the Dumb one was crowned king of all humanity (temporarily). Swagneto swore vengeance.

The Captain LAMEricans (Florida) have just recently made their evil presence felt in our world. They have always been superior in another Universe, but now they have flopped and erratically shot their way to “Supervillain” status in this particular Universe. The Lamericans’ strength is showing all Floridians how to be lame on a daily basis.

Their head coach, “Widow’s Twin Peaks” is the master of never developing or coaching his Lamericans. Captain Lamerica’s has many weaknesses: none more obvious than offensive plays and teams that have talent.

The Vanderbilt Braniacs are lead by the Penguin.

While this hated rival puts up a valiant effort in the beginning they always falter in the end….every single year. The Braniacs have been annoying Swagneto for some time. Both teams have clashed epically in the Nashville arena famously called “Ridiculous and Terrible Gym!!!”. Their best battles always come against the mighty Swagneto. The Brainiacs have only 1 weakness? Playing away from home.


North Carolina/“2-for-10 Face” claims to be the best in all the land, but a better team, The Duke Krypto-Whites, lay only miles up the road. Their argyle powder blue sweaters and skinny giants make them hard to take seriously, which gives them the element of surprise (and embarrassing). They battle far less superior planets and usually lose. Swagneto recently annihilated [I]2-for-10 Face[/I] in the Tournament of champions. None were left alive.


West Virginia Jugger-NOT’s head man has numerous victories against the Swagneto leader, but has a losing record against hotel room coffee tables and alcohol. Many have played, but few have succeeded. The jugger-not’s home audience is one of the most brutal and vocal on the globe. They would even cause a fellow ultra-super villain like Bobby Knight-mare to blush. Their biggest weakness is class.

Will Swagneto face all his arch nemeses this coming year? Will they save the planet and regain their title as Emperors of Awesomeness? You’ll have to tune in next time to see what happens on….Kentucky vs. the World.